Saturday, August 06, 2005
awkward silenceslet you guys know some nuggets about me. im usually more of a listener than a conversation starter which is pretty evident in phone conversations. i dont usually start off a topic and go on from there and laugh at my own jokes (unless im in a kooky mood, which is like once in a iridiscent moon, but it happens, lol)
i suppose its all about chemistry? when words, topics, jokes free flow throughout the conversation without really suffering from long awkward pauses and silences. i need someone to kickstart me, to open up topics so that i can fill in and maybe ramble off something else.
this, i gotta mention my very good friend, bin. i've been talking to her like 8 years. either a daily, once/twice/thrice a week basis, even when we lost touch for awhile, erm 1 - 2 years? we still kept it up like bunnies (probably the wrong phrase, but at this time, i dont wanna rack my brains for another - haha) the words flow, the suanings (mostly from me, im pretty critical, not forgetting cynical, =p) back and forth like a tennis ball flying from one end of the court to the other.
more about my lovable friend some other time, i gotta digress~
im in a rut.
i dunno what to say. dont ever recall holding the phone, waiting for the other party to start something while she's also wanting the same of me. i always feel that there's no point in carrying on any conversation when there's nothing wanting to be said, where the tension in the air is soo god damn thick that you could cut it with a blunt butter knife. im here now. stuck. one thing that stuck that she said. i wasnt like this when im goin after her. which i retorted im always like this, the listener, dependent on the other party to start something therein i'll follow up...
... but.
there's always a but. she said she doesnt really take this "SHit" and think its "LAME" wherby she promptly clicks the phone on me. which is probably a sensible move - i absolutely detest people slamming their receivers on me.
then i ponder. and come to a conclusion but i dunno how to go about it.
i want my old life back. my melancholia, my nonchalance, my cynicalism, my bitter dauntless yearning for HER.
*cue for a lightning bolt to strike me*
wen|ong @ 2:45 AM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.
