Friday, June 18, 2004

Undertow
by Pain Of Salvation

Let me go
Let me go
Let me seek the answers that I need to know
Let me find a way
Let me walk away
Through the Undertow
Please let me go

Let me fly
Let me fly
Let me rise against that blood-red velvet sky
Let me chase it all
Break my wings and fall
Probably survive
So let me fly
Let me fly...

Let me run
Let me run
Let me ride the crest of chance into the sun
You were always there
But you may lose me here
Now love me if you dare
And let me run

I'm alive and I am true to my heart now -
I am I, but why must truth always make me die?

Let me break!
Let me bleed!
Let me tear myself apart I need to breathe!
Let me lose my way!
Let me walk astray!
Maybe to proceed...
Just let me bleed!

Let me drain!
Let me die!
Let me break the things I love I need to cry!
Let me burn it all!
Let me take my fall
Through the cleansing fire!
Now let me die!
Let me die...

Let me out
Let me fade into that pitch black velvet night

Music & lyrics by Daniel Gildenlow

for music, normally i'll pay attention to its melody and instrumentation more than the lyrics. been listening to this song alot these few days, at first was intrigued by its melody, poignant with the subtle acoustic guitars and the piano weaving into the surreal soundscape. then as i slowly i paid heed to the lyrics, i looked up the cd booklet, didnt realised that its so depressing. which is not an indication of my mood ya, im over the depression curve. -.-"
discovered this band through a music forum i often visit. its the first album of the band i bought [ 12:5 ], and its been the 1st disc in my cd changer since. not only the song is that captivating, the whole cd is quite brilliant really, at least, IMO. want the mp3s? hee.
alritey, enough of gushing already, i could go on forever. =p
i wanted to put the lyrics up.. cos its so, i quite adore this kind of poetry/lyrics. go read my prev poems~ if anyone's interested, which i highly doubt, anyways, go visit here.

oh ya.. just in case u dont know the meaning of the song title. erm, cos i also dunno. hee.

undertow

n 1: an inclination contrary to the strongest or prevailing feeling; "his account had a poignant undertow of regret" 2: the seaward undercurrent created after waves have broken on the shore [syn: sea puss, sea purse, seapoose]

Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

wen|ong @ 10:31 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

:: can you be friends with an ex? ::

yea, the title is a rip-off from an epi in SatC.

met up with my ex yesterday. could tell u that where we went to, what did we did, but i figure that it'll be kinda blah and pretty much pointless, eh? i rather talk about what i thought about it?

well, this ex girlfriend of mine, knew each other awhile back, around 5 years plus i suppose. was together around 2-3years back which lasted roughly for a year. well, a astute eye would probably be wondering about all the rough dates i've given. i suppose that if im very serious about that relationship, i would have at least given the exact date and timelines?

truth is, i've been a total bastard to her before and tho' she's not an entirely an angel, but i guess im the cause of that too. perhaps i was young that i didnt know how to handle [or just creating an excuse for myself to acquit me of any wrong], i 2-timed her. yea. what a SOB. i know. so in the end i confessed to her and i made her cry. damn, what an arsehole. yesh. i am fully aware of that.

that was the past, and i had to live with it. let it be a lesson learnt, and don't ever repeat the same mistake again. at least, that's what i tell myself.

yea, enough of the self-indulgence, well, so she called me up recently and wanted to meet me, and so we met yesterday. my sisters was quite astounded to say the least, making a few jibes also, cos their dear brother would normally be at home on weekends with no dates. yea... >.<"

part of the reason i dont feel i can really fall for her is that i dont really feel at ease with her. in fact, the level of comfort is quite discomforting [for lack of a better word]. and certain aspects of her character quite turn me off i can say? i dont care how pretty u are, how many looks u attract. but if your character "suck" [damn i hate that word, but i can't think of a better one at the moment], sorry baby.

im not perfect either, nor an egoist, but i think that a person should at least have some social graces, and to mind their 'p's and 'q's [e.g handling sales staff]. i've this certain quirk i suppose. that i always people in a positive manner i can. unless they show me attitude then its different i guess. but then if they are all smiley and friendly, i'll always do the same too. but i notice that not everyone do that, some people are like so snobbish when talkin to salespersons and treat them like people of inferior standing to them. so bloody 'hao lian' [for lack of a better word, again] can't stand them. absolutely detest them. i can't be stereotypical and lump them as spoilt rich brats, cos even those mid-income people do that. deriving from experience, yea, was in sales last time, and i pretty enjoyed it, less the above mentioned dealings with those undesired customers.

in keepin line with the topic, when i was out with her, frankly, sparks did not fly, or re-ignite for that matter. im not repressing my feelings but then quite simply, the feelings i used to have are gone. and i feel that although we can stil go out and be friends, but to me, its kinda bullshitting, cos u can't really but friends with your exs, can you? even the split is amicable or time has healed previous wounds, but then to see each other and then NOT be talk/reminded of the past, that is so never goin to be gone with the wind.

well. not really finding fault with her or anything like that. jus that i cannot forsee myself together for a long time with that kind of person without that getting on my nerves. and oh ya, i also forsee me in my mid 30s, single and still that picky~

*gulps* scary.

lolz.


wen|ong @ 1:22 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

:: big toe blues ::

i've not been workin since friday. the doctor @ my camp give me 5 days MC [my longest to date] well, me and MCs, dont really go well together. its due to an injury to my right big toe. its bruised and has a blood clot underneath the nail, hope u people are not eating or just eaten when u read this. haha. actually it looks as though i painted the toenail in a dark red color or something. it does cause me pain of a certain degree. shoes is a definite no-no. oh well. tmw i've to go to changi hospital to have them to a minor surgery on it i suppose? ermm, first time goin to a hospital, less to have a surgery, does gives me chills. alot of what-if questions swirling around my head. even sadder, i've to face this alone. yea yea, what a big wuss u say. i'm needy. so what?

been lazing/rottin/comatosing/staring blankly at the walls at home this few days. u may ask, what about my friends? yea, what about them? sec sch frens, ermm. if u read my earlier entries, i was involved in a debacle with one of them. and ever since, dunno why, its kinda like the whole network mysteriously fallen apart? not implying that i got backstabbed or something. my back's full of wounds i'd imagine? oh well, as nonchalant as i am. this i can handle. i still got some left, but they are too busy with their gfs i suppose.

so lemme see. minus the sec sch friends, im left with some buddies/good friends, they are either busy with upcoming exams [bin], married with a cute baby girl [ru], attached happily and moving house [qing], attached happily (?) and busy with work for 2 weeks [jo], cold shoulder treatment for reasons known to her yet unbeknownst to me [pei], an ex gf who called again recently to talk but must make specifically make prior appointment to meet, then rest of the week MIA (-.-")[lyn].

so for the equation im also left with my shipmates, but most of the time, we seldom get together after office hours, esp during weekends. sad right? the older u get, the lesser good friends u get to make. read somewhere that its in ur formulative years (e.g school days) that friendships with strong foundations are forged. somemore with my character, i quite ermm, "dao" and selective with new people coming into my life.

well, practically seamed onto my bed these days. went through 3 seasons of Sex And The City already [nice nice!], Ocean's Eleven [cool show], Audition [i-don't-really-get-it show]. now i know why singapore wont broadcast SATC. knowing our culture, it's probably too radical. can imagine the number of call-ins to complain about it if its shown. this kind of show, u can't really watch it when its censored, its peppered with f-words, sexual overtones throughout, and its absolutely hilarious some parts. it does tell it as it is, no holds barred. its not really about sex throughout also, it talks about relationships, scenarios and u and me finds familiar also. some parts will also tug at your heartstrings.

well, i could ramble on and on. but i shalt spare u that. nahz, abit bushed. yea right, coming from a guy who's on MC the last 5 days. perfectly good excuse for me to type so much rubbish in a matter of mins. god im pathetic. >.<

wen|ong @ 10:45 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.

Saturday, June 05, 2004

:: lost and found ::

I met him
On a day
When light began to dim
Amusing and yet so gay
Yet so proper and prim
When idling eyes led astray
Of gazes heated to the brim
Of faithless play

He so shy yet witty
Yet words finely tuned to him
He blushes so pretty
And purr words like cream
Man true romantic in reality
And like a stitch in perfect seam
A passionate maker of ecstatic fantasy
Sultry soul full of flight and dreams

Like a rock
Stable and strong
Knock knocks knock
Who is in your heart to belong?
Cheeky grin from me to mock
Yet in sincerity to sing a song
Of true identity of Joey to lock
In eternal frame of long long
Journey of truth to dock

To tell you the truth
He is but just a man
But not so ordinary to soothe
Any nature bout let UN-canned
In truth
In truth
In truth
In truth

A good one
One lucky enough to steal his
Heart
Dear one that is done
With his good soul and
part
With dignity and dart
Away with good being and
May goodness caress
Him
¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤

Luffing… *grin*

instead of posting my boring poems, today i'll like to showcase this one instead. reading this always brought back memories. its the one and only that anybody had ever written for me. more on the author later. if you're wondering who Joey is, ermmhmm. its used to be my nick in Alamak Chat. was quite the regular there a few years back. i took that from the Matt Leblanc character in Friends, which by the way is one of my fav shows. apparently i suppose that most people in Singapore, esp the guys would take it to be a female just by the nick. and i often have to fend off those buayas. now i know what a girl go through in chatrooms. lol.

speaking of alamak, made a couple of good friends there, used to be a outing siao also. lol. sadly though, have lost contact of most of them. oh well, less a few, and i really mean a few like in 1-3? friends come friends go, as certain as the tide, its has always been that way? for me anyways.

come back to the author, drawn to her cos she likes Anne Rice, poetry, romance and stuff like that which is what i adore too. i used to bug her about writing a poem for me, so when she handed me the slip of paper containing the poem, i still remember that i was struck dumb. speechless. cos i think its, and still is the nicest thing anyone wrote for me. [or then again maybe thats because its the ONLY one] -.-" we've never actually been together in a relationship, although the chemistry is there. dont get me wrong, im not pining for lost love or in those "what if?" state of mind. just that im reminiscing about someone who has left footprints in my heart. and just wondering what is she up to now. defintely out of goodwill and no ulterior motives. oh well. am also not in the mood in starting a relationship with anyone @ the moment too.

Scorpios are like that. if you treat us good, we will treat u as well or even better in return. but if do step on our tails, beware of the sting? hee.

hmmm... i wonder how she's been.

wen|ong @ 7:19 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.

:: uncertainties ::

as i swept the dust off my keyboard before typing this, yea exaggerating, but its been awhile since the flurry of previous entries. thing is, there's not much stuff in my life to write in reality. i can't put in mundane stuff like what i did today, who i went out with, bla bla bla. i mean im not against it, alot of people do that. me, i chose to minimize those kind of entries.

im a complex person, or i like to see myself as one. i got thoughts running 24/7 across my mind. some abstract, some i feel strongly about and even want to get in down here. but most of the time, the momentum is lost when i get home. and i procrastinate once again.

well, the gist of this post is quite in a way, can i say is of the utmost importance to me, nah, not as in life and death. just that, i got another choice after my career in navy is over. i've always got the notion that u only live once, and that i dont wanna waste my time sloggin in the ratrace, being a corporate slave to MNCs, lustin after superficial materialistic desires. after all, u come to this world with nothing, and u go away with nothing, only perhaps the knowledge that u did something worthwhile in your life and u that u left footprints in alot of people heart will linger on when u are gone? after a very enlightening talk with a shipmate who ORDed and now in NUS studyin Social Science, the light is shone on another path of life i may well possibly take- goin into social work, volunteering and stuff like that. i have asked my friend to go help me check out the course at SIM, the costs and subj issues, supposedly they are the only school offering a degree in social science. intially, my thoughts on a career lies in either music or arts. for music, i would like to go study about audio engineerin, studio work, stuff like that. its has always been my passion. well, the arts, i got my sights on arts management in lasalle. no no, its not drawing or things like that, its more to those gallery managing of art pieces? hmm, supposedly ba. thing is, i will do all the necessary homework by the end of the year. whereby i will hopefully by then go a clear idea of which road i will take?

for me, its more about doing something i like, therein my interests lies, the passion will be there. i don't want to have a job where the moment i start work, i'll be thinkin of knockin off.. that's .. pretty sad, i think. u may think of me as a daydreamer, don't mind the pay actually, as long i wont starve to death. the job satisfaction holds higher regard ya~

most important thing：

开心就好。

wen|ong @ 12:24 AM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

:: hey ::

know that ive been slacking off in terms of entry productivity, well, i written something halfway, but am too tired to finish it. hopefully it'll be done up and be posted tmw. nope, i've not fallen into a melancholy state of mind again. dont worry, dont think i will do that again. life's too short to be like that all the time. hee.

im alive and kickin' ya~

^_^

wen|ong @ 9:59 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.