Wednesday, April 28, 2004

:: what of love and what of hate ::

must have gone thru a few drafts before i could really let the words flow for this entry. lots of things i want to say. but when transposed to words, the effect might, say different? i wanted to change this aspect of me. holding things back. im tryin my best to do that. but i came to the decision where i deem that the things im holdin back perhaps may be better in this situation. really. i would more than welcome to explain why here. but i dont want to come to a point where i based my entries on yours. to clarify and elaborate, to state my point of view. somethings i do wish to tell u about. maybe not in here. i wont want u readin about it here and form your own opionion of it which may not be the message i want to convey. i rather i tell u and explain to u if u misunderstood me.

i admit i do have a fairytale-like notion of what my true love would be. of course in a rship, it cant be perfect, they will be some fights and quarrels, most important thing is to be able to get over them, come out of it with a better understanding of ur other half, BUT, if there's always a repetitive of the same fights and quarrels, cracks may form in the rship, and most likely, it will not last? saddest thing is when u are in a rship and suddenly u realize that u dont love the person as much already, it has somehow became a habit, an obligation to be with him, and that ure the sort that wont leave a person jus like that. even u wanna let go, he wouldnt allow u to go just like that. in a rship, constant evolution of the 2 person is evitable, but surely one cant really change into someone who he/she is not in the first place. if a person likes someone, it MUST be for who he/she is, and not change/mould that person into a pre-conceived ideal perfect dream lover? if that person does change drastically to someone whom his/her gf/bf wants, perhaps it is out of love i guess, but still, in the end, it does seems kinda sad to change urself to suit a person, to lose urself, makes u wonder that u can jus find anyone to be with and then transform them to wat u want them to be..

but love transcends all boundaries, i may rant and rave about the above but i cant guarantee i wont lose my individualism for a special someone also too. in the first place, there must be qualities which attracted u to like someone, and these are the things u wont change at all. it is for that, u fall in love helplessly. that u wan to be wif her for as long as u could be, with that, if two person really in love, perhaps, there wouldn't be so many ups and downs, tears and pain, every adverse situations can be pulled through. it may be difficult, but with love i guess, it kinda make u think less of that and more of the person next to you.

if i can jus like someone, his/her may not be my type/ breed initially, but i can change her/him to suit my liking, does it sounds, ermm .. funny? perhaps i phrase it this way, u might understand me? or not? ermm.. then i have to tell u personally le.

hey, i dont seek a dream lover, a perfect manifestation of what i desired and want in a gf. i jus want to find someone whom i love her for who she is and vice versa. if thats the basis of the rship, i really cant see anything can go wrong for them. nothing too difficult to ask for? but i cannot get? lolz.

p.s: i have not withdrawn ya. u dont scare me off that easily. =)

wen|ong @ 11:58 PM
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say 'Good night' till it be morrow.